I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
