I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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