Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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