i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize