Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
