I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
