The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
