booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
