This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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