all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
