If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
