I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
