explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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