I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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