If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
