dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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