the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
