he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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