so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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