so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
