tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
