Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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