My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Princesses don't give blow jobs
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
