roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
it hurts more in the daytime
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
