I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
