it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
