Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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