The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
