I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
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