I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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