I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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