I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
