if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
