he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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