tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
