8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
she smelled like a LAN party
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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