Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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