Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
