Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
