I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
