it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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