So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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