It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
