"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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