So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
