So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
