I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
