Will you blow on my dice?
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
