and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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