i was born a porn star she said
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
