Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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