quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
