He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
high people should be assigned attendants
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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