we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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