I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
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No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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