its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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