Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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