I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
