Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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