You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
