Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
