Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
