oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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