I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
