Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
