I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
