i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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