Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
