I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
3 2 1 whiskey
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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