when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
