I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
