I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
