I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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