Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
