Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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