I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i came on her dog
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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