I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
